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Japanese Essays and Essays : "We lived desperately. But I didn't know how to die." Why dialysis patients can't have a peaceful death? Why can't people other than cancer patients even receive palliative care? My husband decided to stop dialysis after more than 10 years of dialysis, kidney transplantation, and redialysis. The author who saw him at the time of his heroic death wrote about his own experience and thorough interviews. This is a medical non-fiction tears! Commentary by Masaomi Manabu Minami (Professor of nephrology at the University of Tokyo), President of the Japanese Society of Nephrology and Endocrinology : "When my husband's general condition deteriorated and he started to lose his life-threatening dialysis treatment, I was at a loss about what to do with it. When I ask a doctor, there is no answer. We were only told the way to continue dialysis until the end of life, no matter how painful it was, even if he lost consciousness. Then at the age of 60 and three months, in the last few days of life, I experienced the greatest pain of my life. I still have many doubts about whether it was truly unavoidable pain. Why isn't the terminal data of dialysis patients, which should have existed, utilized for the clinical treatment of death? Why doesn't anyone change the contradictory health care system? Who is health care for?"